The Holiday Struggle: ADHD Moms and Seasonal Overwhelm

The holiday season often conjures up images of joy, warmth, and togetherness. But for many women with ADHD, it’s a time of immense mental struggle and exhaustion. Balancing the endless to-do lists, managing overstimulation, and attempting to find the energy for “fun” activities can feel impossible.

I live this reality every day. From running errands to cleaning the house, chauffeuring kids to sports lessons and doctor appointments, walking the dog, preparing meals, and tidying up after the whirlwind of family life, my days are packed. And then there are the holidays: figuring out Christmas presents, stocking stuffers, Santa’s gifts, St. Nicholas surprises, Secret Santa exchanges—each requiring mental gymnastics and hours of overthinking. By the time the kids are home, I’m utterly drained and overstimulated. The thought of decorating gingerbread houses or engaging in other holiday crafts feels overwhelming, even with pre-assembled kits.

My ADHD brain doesn’t let me focus on the joy my kids would experience or the bonding moments these activities could create. Instead, I’m stuck fixating on the inevitable overstimulation, the mess I’ll need to clean, and the struggle to let my kids decorate “incorrectly” (a challenge my autistic traits amplify). I want to enjoy these moments. I really do. But the overwhelm often overshadows the fun.

Why December Feels Unbearable

December is an overstimulating whirlwind. The lights, sounds, smells, and expectations create sensory overload. Add the invisible labor of motherhood—coordinating schedules, planning meals, buying gifts—and it’s no wonder many of us are counting down to January by December 2nd.

As moms with ADHD, we often grapple with:

- **Overthinking:** Spending hours agonizing over the “perfect” gifts or worrying about whether our efforts are “good enough.”

- **Time Blindness:** Underestimating how long tasks will take and ending up in a cycle of rushed chaos.

- **Emotional Dysregulation:** Struggling to manage frustration, guilt, and the sensory overload that comes with the season.

- **Executive Dysfunction:** Feeling paralyzed by the sheer volume of tasks, unable to figure out where to start.

Tips for Navigating Holiday Overwhelm

While the challenges are real, there are ways to create moments of peace and even enjoy the season:

1. **Simplify Wherever Possible:**

- Use pre-assembled kits for crafts and activities (and let go of perfectionism—“wrong” decorations are part of the fun).

- Shop online to avoid the sensory overload of busy stores.

- Create a “just good enough” mindset for gifts, meals, and decorations.

2. **Schedule Downtime:**

- Block off “quiet hours” where you can rest or recharge. This could mean a walk alone, listening to calming music, or simply sitting in silence.

- Give yourself permission to say “no” to events or activities that feel like too much.

3. **Set Realistic Expectations:**

- Prioritize what matters most to you and your family. You don’t have to do everything.

- Communicate with your kids about how you’re feeling. Let them know you’re doing your best, and involve them in the planning process.

4. **Prepare for Overstimulation:**

- Use noise-canceling headphones, dim lights, or create a quiet corner in your home.

- Build in breaks during activities to step away if things get too overwhelming.

5. **Celebrate Small Wins:**

- If you decorate gingerbread houses for just 20 minutes before needing a break, that’s still a success.

- Focus on the smiles and laughter, even if things don’t go as planned.

6. **Find Support:**

- Share the load with your partner, friends, or family members. Delegate tasks and let others help.

- Connect with other ADHD moms to exchange tips and offer mutual encouragement.

Giving Yourself Grace

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is this: you’re not failing. The holidays are challenging for many moms, and ADHD amplifies those challenges. Celebrate the effort you’re putting in, even when it doesn’t feel like enough. Your kids will remember the love behind your actions far more than the perfect execution of any activity.

This season, let’s give ourselves permission to rest, to recharge, and to redefine what holiday joy looks like for our families. Because sometimes, the best gift we can give is our own well-being.