"Did I Take My Pill Today?"

This morning started the way most mornings do—chaos. Between getting the kids ready and fed, taking care of the dog, and somehow squeezing in time for myself (maybe even breakfast if I'm lucky), it's always a whirlwind. In the middle of it all, I grabbed the gummy vitamins for the kids and my daughter's ADHD medication. I usually grab mine at the same time, leave it on the counter, and give her hers. But this is where things start to blur.

As I glance at the counter, I ask myself: Did I already take my pill? Or did I forget? I’ve tried to make a habit of taking my pill with a quick sip of whatever drink is open in the fridge. Today, after grabbing some juice, I turn around and see my pill still sitting there. So now I’m stuck wondering: Did I accidentally grab a second pill, forgetting I already took one? Or did I just forget to take it all together?

For a pill that people (who don't actually take it) claim is "so addictive," it’s surprisingly easy to forget whether or not I’ve taken it.

When I first started the medication, I could always tell when it kicked in. It felt like my mind was quieter, a bit more still. But now, I’ve gotten used to the quiet, so it’s harder to notice when the pill starts working. One day, I accidentally took two doses. While my brain loves stimulants, double the dose was too much—I didn’t feel great. Thankfully, a few dissolvable vitamin C tablets helped calm me down, but that’s an experience I never want to repeat.

That’s why I’m now cautious. If I’m not 100% sure I haven’t already taken my pill, I hesitate to take another.

This morning, after dropping the kids off, coming home, playing with the dog, and answering some emails, the anxiety hit. A simple message, maybe a reminder that I forgot something, or someone pointing out something small, triggered it. Nothing important—but suddenly, it bothered me, a lot. Then, the familiar tightness in my chest, the feeling that I’ve let someone down or that someone’s mad at me (thanks, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria). And that’s when I knew: I hadn’t taken my medication.

I definitely don’t miss the days when unrealistic anxiety ruled my life.