Navigating Life with AuDHD: A Journey from Negativity to Strength

For most of my life, I’ve never considered myself a “positive person.” I always thought that was just who I was—a natural pessimist, always noticing what could go wrong before anything else. It wasn’t until I discovered my AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) that things began to make more sense. Learning that ADHD brains often get more dopamine from negative experiences than positive ones was a revelation. It explained why, no matter how hard I tried, I was drawn to negativity like a moth to a flame.

But knowing that doesn’t make it easier to change. Society constantly reminds us to “think positively” and stay away from negative rhetoric. It’s not just about stopping negative thoughts; it’s about rewiring your brain to process things differently. That’s a tall order, especially when you’ve spent over 30 years seeing the dark side first.

Neurodiversity already carries enough stigma, and it’s so easy to get caught in the negative spiral. People misunderstand or dismiss our struggles, and it sometimes feels like we’re fighting against our own nature and against how society views us. It’s tough. Even though I know now that AuDHD comes with strengths—creativity, hyperfocus, unique problem-solving abilities—it’s still hard not to get pulled into the daily challenges. Focusing on those strengths takes active, daily work, and some days, it feels like an impossible uphill climb.

The hardest part? Fully accepting myself. I know I need to work with my ADHD, not against it, but that’s easier said than done. Accepting my brain, its quirks, and all that comes with being AuDHD is a long journey. It's like learning a new language as an adult—far harder than if I’d been taught to embrace these traits early in life. I’m trying to find what works for me: methods of stress relief, emotional regulation, and organization techniques. It’s all trial and error, which can be exhausting, and the constant “failures” can drag me back into old patterns of negativity.

I remind myself every day that this process is okay, even though it’s difficult. There’s no deadline for acceptance or mastery. It’s about finding what works for me, one step at a time. And as long as I’m trying, that’s progress in itself. Even if I fall back into negative thinking, I’m learning to pull myself out faster each time. This journey, though long, is mine—and I’m slowly figuring out how to embrace it, one day at a time.