Overplanned and Overwhelmed: Navigating Anxiety with ADHD

--I’ve always been someone who overplans everything. Take my German language test, for instance. Instead of answering the simple “tell me about yourself” question spontaneously, I memorized a two-page self-introduction. I spent hours reading and rereading it, obsessing over every word. The anxiety of not being perfect drives me into hyperfocus.

If I’m not perfect, people might see the cracks in my facade.

Spontaneity isn’t in my nature. I’m not the type to fly by the seat of my pants; I need a plan for everything. Every summer, I take my kids to Canada, and every summer, the same stress and anxiety creep in. Two weeks before our flight, the suitcases are packed and ready.

A week before, our “snackle” boxes (tackle boxes with divided snacks) are sorted. Passports, paperwork, and last-minute packing lists—all prepared and waiting. Even though I check our flight details daily, review baggage allowances, confirm hotel reservations, and estimate drive times, my anxiety still takes hold.

I spend most nights reading on my Kindle, hoping to distract my brain enough to sleep. But the “what-ifs” are hard to escape, which only makes me plan even more.This year’s flights were particularly stressful.

Two days before departure, I discovered my airline no longer allows a “personal item” as a second carry-on. Of course, I had already packed three large carry-ons and two kids’ backpacks. The anxiety of possibly having to pay extra or figuring out how to cram the kids’ stuff into other bags was overwhelming. Even though an airline representative assured me it was fine, I knew I wouldn’t relax until we were on the plane.But that turned out to be the least of my problems.

Two hours before our flight, it was cancelled. I rushed to the check-in desk, desperately trying to secure a spot on another flight leaving in two hours. As I stood in line, time ticking away and the chaos in my head mounting, I tried to regain some control by calling the airline.I couldn’t get us on the next flight, and suddenly, I felt completely out of control. My children were distraught at not being able to see their grandma, and I was overwhelmed by my own anxiety, my children’s emotions, and the loss of control. I hate that feeling. I couldn’t eat for the rest of the day. Even after finding a new flight, I couldn’t stop stressing.

I bombarded the new airline with questions via phone, WhatsApp, and online chat. Even after three separate confirmations of our seats, all I could think about was the 45-minute layover between flights.I researched each flight’s history, trying to gauge the likelihood of delays, the typical gate assignments—every detail.

But still, I was awake most of the night, stressing over every possible outcome, every potential issue.We arrived at the airport four hours early, just in case. But even as I sat at the gate, I was paralyzed with anxiety. The same anxiety I used to feel daily before my ADHD diagnosis was back, as debilitating as ever.

During these times, it feels like I can’t sleep, eat, or even breathe.

Women with ADHD/AuDHD have a 50-70% comorbidity rate with anxiety disorders. I’m working on handling these situations in a healthier way, but it’s still a huge struggle. Overanalyzing and overplanning have been my coping mechanisms for decades, and breaking free from them is challenging.

So, until I can, I plan, I overanalyze, and I stress. I’m fortunate that my medication has brought some calm before these anxiety storms, but when they hit, they still paralyze me.

Slowly, with more research and by listening to other neurodivergent voices, I’m learning to better manage—and even embrace—my ADHD.—