The Road to Self-Discovery: My Journey with ADHD Medication
- neurospicyherzo
- Aug 29, 2024
- 3 min read
-When people ask me about being on ADHD medication, the questions often center around how it helps, what it feels like, and whether it’s worth taking. The truth is, my quality of life has changed dramatically since I first experienced the quiet that medication brings.
The quick answers are simple: reduced daily anxiety, fewer negative thoughts, especially the ones aimed at myself and my abilities, improved focus on mundane tasks (though they’re still painfully boring), and a decrease in emotional snacking.
But the changes that have truly transformed my life are the ones I didn’t expect. With the medication, I’ve become more aware of my masking—the practice of hiding my true self—and, more specifically, with whom I feel the need to mask.
It was eye-opening to realize just how many people I feel I need to conceal myself from, out of fear of judgment or rejection. This awareness has allowed me to fully embrace the friendships where I don’t feel the need to mask and to explore why I feel the need to do so with others.
It’s taken 40 years, but I’m finally capable of prioritizing my mental health.
For as long as I can remember, I was the person who always said “yes.” Yes to staying late at work, yes to helping friends with last-minute projects, yes to family obligations even when I was exhausted. My wish to please everyone around me felt like an unshakable part of who I was. I didn’t realize how much it was draining me until I finally hit a breaking point—I was so burnt out that I barely recognize myself.
I’m still a people pleaser, and I’ll go out of my way for those I love, but my medication has given me the courage to say no—at least sometimes.
I’m now more attuned to situations that aren’t mentally healthy for me.
The first time we planned to take my puppy to a biergarten, I decided to stay home. I knew I wouldn’t be capable of enjoying myself because I’d be too worried about his behavior. Yes, it sucked to miss out on a biergarten afternoon, but it wasn’t a healthy situation for me, and I’m learning to prioritize that.
I’ve been trying to manage my stress better, and thanks to my medication, I feel like I can afford myself that freedom. I used to force myself into situations, knowing they wouldn’t be positive experiences, simply because I was too worried about letting others down or revealing that I wasn’t as put together as I pretended to be.In doing so, I let myself down. Now, my mental health is a priority.
The more I lower my walls, the more I learn about myself and the coping mechanisms I’ve subconsciously adopted over the years. This self-awareness helps me recognize my personal limits. I can now sense when I’m taking on too much and better predict when I’m nearing an ADHD burnout.
I feel like I’m finally getting to know the real me. My need for universal approval is fading. I no longer want to pretend to be someone I’m not, nor do I want to hide my true self behind a cocktail or two.
ADHD medication has helped me truly experience life, not just standing on the sidelines. Until society fully embraces neurodivergent individuals without imposing societal pressures and judgments, I’m grateful for the medication that’s helping me tear down my walls and live authentically.
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